Broken Glass

The other day I was cleaning the kitchen island and I bumped a candlestick with a glass jar candle on it. (I really liked that candle. 😔) The glass went EVERYWHERE. I was amazed at how far tiny pieces of glass could travel. As I was cleaning it up, I began to think of how broken I am. How, each time I’ve fallen or the world affects me negatively, has chipped a shard and flung it across the floor. Some go under something and don’t resurface for a long time, if ever. Some are big and must be dealt with immediately. Some we miss, and they get stepped on later.

As I was having this thought process, I was specifically thinking, I want to get it all cleaned up so someone else doesn’t step on it. It reminded me that God and I need to deal with my brokenness, or I could pass it on unknowingly. I don’t want my brokenness to cause someone else pain or gross misunderstanding of important truths. I told my husband about this train of thought and he said, “What about yourself? Do you care if it causes pain to YOU again?” That hadn’t entered my mind until he said it.

Interesting. Maybe it’s typical mom thinking, or typical Enneagram 2 thinking, but it’s distorted. I’m accustomed to thinking if I step on it, I’m used to that kind of thing and I’ll deal with it, but I wouldn’t want to cause another person that pain. If you translate that to the metaphor with emotional or spiritual hurt, it gets really twisted. Why would I not care if I experienced more pain later, as long as it didn’t affect others? And, aren’t I wrong in assuming if I’m in pain, it won’t affect anyone else?

The scripture says to love others as you love yourself. That’s God’s definition of “love” (1 Cor. 13:4-7), an active love where you are kind, nurturing, forgiving, and patient with the object of your love. Loving myself that way, will help me to love others better. Dealing with past hurts or unhealthy thoughts will help prevent future pain for me, and keep me healthy to love others well.

Photo by chuttersnap on Unsplash