Words Mean Things

We had an issue with one of our daughters when she was about 4 year old. She noticed everything...and she thought anything different was so interesting that she couldn't help but to exclaim for all to hear, what she was seeing and why it was interesting to her, such as, "Mommy look at that guy's FACE!" (burns) "Mommy, that lady is REALLY big!" (the only other lady in a public restroom)- etcetera.  I had to explain to her that we don't say things out loud about other people's appearance.  I knew she had to talk about it because well, that's my girl. So, I told her if she noticed something like that, that she could tell me later.  At first she would whisper it in the moment (you know, the LOUD kind of whisper?), then she progressed to touching my arm and I would say, "I know, we'll talk about it later," then finally, she could hold her observations until we were in private.  It took a long time, but we finally got past the stage of loud, public observations all together.

Words mean things.  Have you ever spent an evening with friends and later, gone over the conversation in your mind and realized that something you said could have been received differently than you had intended? Or remembered something someone else said and thought, wait, was that directed at me?  The longer I live, the more conscious I am of the words I say and how they may be received.   Especially in situations that are already sensitive or complicated, I'm wary of saying the "wrong" thing.

LISTEN FIRST. 

I've decided in those cases, I should first show my love and support, and gauge where the other person is.  "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger..." as the scripture says.   

Somewhere along the way, many of us decided it is our role to say something profound in moments of sadness, grief, uncertainty, or disillusionment.  If my words don't come from a place of love and understanding, or experience, or the Lord himself, I'd rather keep them to myself and spend time with God asking for wisdom, before pouring them out, never to be taken back.

SPEAK GRACE.

"No foul language should come from your mouth, but only what is good for building up someone in need, so that it gives grace to those who hear." (Eph. 4:29 CSB) "Building up" is not empty flattery. I love this language, because it says that our words can give GRACE.  We can show others how grace feels with our words, whether or not we, or they, know that they need building up and/or grace (doesn't everyone?). Words of grace wash over me when I hear them, they soothe me and calm my spirit.  Those who speak grace, are life-giving.

One more thing.  This passage says to use your words to "give grace to those who hear." When we choose to speak grace, there may be others besides the person to whom we're speaking, who hear.  They may be witnessing grace for the first time, or they may be inspired to show more grace by hearing our words.  You NEVER KNOW how you are affecting those around you by the words you choose to speak.  You also don't know how it will affect you to choose this mindset.  You are also hearing the words come from your mouth; perhaps you can absorb them as well and show yourself some grace. ;)

Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash