The Problem with Commitment
We're approaching Valentine's Day, when we celebrate love and all the beauty it offers. But commitment, stemming from love between two people, is becoming less popular. A survey from the Pew Research Center, showed that in 2014, only 26% of millennials were married, compared to 36% of GenXers and 48% of Baby Boomers, when they were the same age. Furthermore, and more fundamental to relationships, only 19% of millennials said that most people can be trusted, compared to 31% of GenXers and 40% of Boomers.
Why the aversion to commitment? There are more options than ever, and with social media showing us everyone's "highlight reel," onlookers may feel inadequate, or insecure about their own ability to be as successful. Or they may compare their own relationship to that representation and wonder if they've settled, if they could do better. Some have already experienced a hurtful relationship, and are not willing to open themselves up to such hurt again. (Interestingly though, people are quick to trust these "highlight reels" as an accurate and complete depiction of others' lives.)
For those who are in a committed relationship, the challenge is to nurture it, to spend quality time together, to keep communication open, so that it thrives. The same goes for our relationship with God. He is always with us and for us; Jesus died for us while we were in the pit. But our desire for him and pursuit of him, the time we spend seeking to understand him and learn from him, and our willingness to be transformed by him will all factor in to how that relationship affects our lives. We must lay down our own desires, and let him lead. This is our choice. When our commitment to him diminishes, we see and/or feel the consequences.
In 2 Chronicles 20, we see this familiar sequence of events in the life of a king, Jehoshaphat:
We do not know what to do, but we are looking to you for help.
Don't be discouraged...for the battle is not yours, but God's...You will not have to fight this battle.
Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you.
There was so much plunder that it took three days to collect it.
He walked in the ways of Asa his father...During his reign, however, he failed to remove all the high places, and the people never fully committed themselves to follow the God of their ancestors.
(Asa also began his reign with a strong commitment to God, but as years went by his dedication faltered, bringing unnecessary trouble.) The last we hear of Jehoshaphat in this chapter, is that he made an alliance with an evil king. A prophet told him that because he did this, "the Lord has broken up what you have made," and his efforts failed. After him, his son Jehoram, killed his six brothers by the sword to strengthen his kingdom. Though he was evil, God did not destroy him for the sake of the covenant he had made with David, to give a lamp to David and to his sons forever.
God restrained from doing something that was justified, for the sake of a promise. That's commitment - not being willing to do what you want to do (right or wrong), for the sake of a promise.
In the examples of Asa and Jehoshaphat, they were not willing to do what they should do - remove the high places (centers for idol worship). Also, they were both willing to do what they should not do - make alliances with enemies of God. Those choices brought unnecessary trouble, and failure. Future generations were corrupted. The Scripture says Jehoram "led Judah astray". And it all started with leaving places for idol worship, bad alliances, and lukewarm faith.
The problem with commitment is that it is as easy to break, as it is to make. Because we are selfish, flawed humans, we will be tempted to please others at the expense of our integrity. We will be tempted to make bad alliances. We can start out strong, only for our dedication to falter. Because we are not fully committed, we might leave that ever-so-small window open, for evil to creep back in so slowly that we don't even notice. Before we know it, we're wondering if we could do better. Or, we begin to believe the good we've enjoyed, was all us. And we never know how our commitment or lack thereof, will affect future generations.
Sobering thoughts. But we also learn from this Scripture that when God makes promises, He keeps them. He is able. When we are in relationship with Him, allowing him to redeem our humanity, we are empowered to overcome temptations. We are not able with our own strength, but Christ IN ME, is able. Oh, how we need him! To reap the blessing of commitment in relationships with him and with others, and to enjoy the glory he promises, we desperately need him. And his promises include these, "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart,"* and, "Seek first His kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."**
Another of his promises, is that no matter where you may see yourself here, He is able to redeem your failings and clothe you in righteousness. No matter how trustworthy you think "most people" are, He is worthy of your complete trust.
*Jer. 29:13; **Matt. 6:33
Why the aversion to commitment? There are more options than ever, and with social media showing us everyone's "highlight reel," onlookers may feel inadequate, or insecure about their own ability to be as successful. Or they may compare their own relationship to that representation and wonder if they've settled, if they could do better. Some have already experienced a hurtful relationship, and are not willing to open themselves up to such hurt again. (Interestingly though, people are quick to trust these "highlight reels" as an accurate and complete depiction of others' lives.)
For those who are in a committed relationship, the challenge is to nurture it, to spend quality time together, to keep communication open, so that it thrives. The same goes for our relationship with God. He is always with us and for us; Jesus died for us while we were in the pit. But our desire for him and pursuit of him, the time we spend seeking to understand him and learn from him, and our willingness to be transformed by him will all factor in to how that relationship affects our lives. We must lay down our own desires, and let him lead. This is our choice. When our commitment to him diminishes, we see and/or feel the consequences.
In 2 Chronicles 20, we see this familiar sequence of events in the life of a king, Jehoshaphat:
We do not know what to do, but we are looking to you for help.
Don't be discouraged...for the battle is not yours, but God's...You will not have to fight this battle.
Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you.
There was so much plunder that it took three days to collect it.
He walked in the ways of Asa his father...During his reign, however, he failed to remove all the high places, and the people never fully committed themselves to follow the God of their ancestors.
(Asa also began his reign with a strong commitment to God, but as years went by his dedication faltered, bringing unnecessary trouble.) The last we hear of Jehoshaphat in this chapter, is that he made an alliance with an evil king. A prophet told him that because he did this, "the Lord has broken up what you have made," and his efforts failed. After him, his son Jehoram, killed his six brothers by the sword to strengthen his kingdom. Though he was evil, God did not destroy him for the sake of the covenant he had made with David, to give a lamp to David and to his sons forever.
In the examples of Asa and Jehoshaphat, they were not willing to do what they should do - remove the high places (centers for idol worship). Also, they were both willing to do what they should not do - make alliances with enemies of God. Those choices brought unnecessary trouble, and failure. Future generations were corrupted. The Scripture says Jehoram "led Judah astray". And it all started with leaving places for idol worship, bad alliances, and lukewarm faith.
The problem with commitment is that it is as easy to break, as it is to make. Because we are selfish, flawed humans, we will be tempted to please others at the expense of our integrity. We will be tempted to make bad alliances. We can start out strong, only for our dedication to falter. Because we are not fully committed, we might leave that ever-so-small window open, for evil to creep back in so slowly that we don't even notice. Before we know it, we're wondering if we could do better. Or, we begin to believe the good we've enjoyed, was all us. And we never know how our commitment or lack thereof, will affect future generations.
Sobering thoughts. But we also learn from this Scripture that when God makes promises, He keeps them. He is able. When we are in relationship with Him, allowing him to redeem our humanity, we are empowered to overcome temptations. We are not able with our own strength, but Christ IN ME, is able. Oh, how we need him! To reap the blessing of commitment in relationships with him and with others, and to enjoy the glory he promises, we desperately need him. And his promises include these, "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart,"* and, "Seek first His kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."**
Another of his promises, is that no matter where you may see yourself here, He is able to redeem your failings and clothe you in righteousness. No matter how trustworthy you think "most people" are, He is worthy of your complete trust.
*Jer. 29:13; **Matt. 6:33
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| Photo by Mark Duffel on Unsplash |
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