What to do in Isolation

Before the quarantine began I was seriously studying and considering observing a Sabbath day each week. My husband and I decided our days and weeks were so busy that we never felt truly rested; we were missing some valuable soul rest and nourishment. I longed for a day to read and write the entire day and not feel like I was failing my obligations elsewhere.

Then, things slowed down dramatically. There was much more time for that rest and nourishment I craved. But guess what? I didn't do it. I started, but then I became so depressed with the absence of so much, concerned and even angry at the exchanges I was seeing in social media, and anxious when I left the house because of the general atmosphere. I was unable to feel at rest in my spirit no matter what I did.  Honestly, I felt paralyzed. Trapped. I couldn't even take a first step in the right direction. 

When I tried to connect with friends, I was met with their reactions to the world around us. That just piled on to my own despair. Surprisingly, when I read or heard words that should encourage me, they seemed trite and meaningless. "We're all in this together..." so what? "This" still sucks no matter who's in it with me. In fact, it's even worse if we're all in it! Waaaah! "It's okay if you feel x or y..." The fact that it's defined as "okay" doesn't change the feeling, which is awful. (Side note: It's okay with whom? Whose approval is supposed to comfort me in my sadness?) 

I'm just being honest here; don't be offended if you said one of these things to me or to the cyber world. I want to convey how completely paralyzing it is to be in a situation that is miserable, incapable of taking a step to make it better, and unable to receive any encouragement no matter how well-intended. 

As an introvert, I can enjoy being with other people, but it does take energy from me. That energy is refilled when I enjoy solitude. But in this situation, I was experiencing not only physical isolation, but emotional isolation. Connection with others offers acceptance, empowerment; and when the intuition and experience of others is added to my thoughts, it helps me to comprehend myself or what I'm saying, more deeply. That's a powerful benefit to one's psyche and growth, which is lost when connection is absent. That deeper connection doesn't occur in brief interactions or manufactured large gatherings. It doesn't happen with every person. The scary part is, one may further their isolation as a defense mechanism, to protect from further emotional distress, and stop communicating with people at all. 

In the society that ours has become, there is such risk in expressing or even processing out loud our own thoughts, feelings, opinions or beliefs, that we may choose instead to suppress them.  At this point, if you say something on social media, you are guaranteed that 50% of your readers/friends will not only disagree with you, but some may vehemently reprimand you publicly, so you suffer embarrassment and lost respect and/or friends. As I've seen what those types are capable of in a fit of rage, I have in some instances,  decided that type of negative energy is no longer welcome in my (cyber) world. 

When I scanned the Bible for times of isolation, I was reminded that lepors were isolated. Granted they were isolated together, but this relegated them to a community of sick people. Proverbs 18:2 says that fools have no interest in understanding; they just want to air their own opinions. There doesn't seem much chance of healing or growth in those types of isolation.

When Jacob was left alone at camp, he wrestled with an angel. It left him with a bum leg, but he limped away with a new name (Gen. 32:24-29). When Joseph was left alone with his brothers, he was able to reveal his true identity (Gen. 45:1). Jesus often chose to be alone, to pray and spend time in fellowship with his Father. Sometimes he found alone time with his disciples. During those times he explained parables he'd shared in public, and answered questions (Mark 4:34; John 4:7-9). He's even known to have cooked them breakfast (John 21:12-14).

These examples show us the worst and best ways to spend our time. Wallowing in a community of sick people and/or fools who bat around opinions with no understanding, even if you have "discretionary" time, is not going to be good nourishment. But time alone with God, even wrestling with him, can yield a new identity, a better understanding of who we are and why we are here. Time with trusted friends finding answers together, or just having a good meal, will nourish the soul.

Know that you are loved, cherished even, by a Father who longs to spend time with you. You don't have to be profound or even in a good mood. Sometimes when I suffer writer's block or even get stuck with a loss of words in prayer, I hear him or feel him say, just keep writing...just keep talking...I'll help you through it. It happened today. And this post is evidence that he helped me through it.  

Photo by Tom Winckelson Unsplash